I woke up this morning to three days of grease in my hair and stubble on my legs to prove my rugged nature. After a thirty hour work weekend, I miraculously (precariously?) found myself sitting on the shower floor sipping a cup of warm velvety goodness letting the hot water pour over my hairy legs. It was at this moment that I realized, I was going to need a lot of grace to make it through this day. Through a serious leap of faith, and a wing and a prayer to attempt to trust, the permanent roommate and I have decided to take the next step in our adventure together as a married couple. Where He calls, we follow, and He has lead us to the possibilities of new jobs, a new home, and while actually being quite familiar (more on that later), a new community.
On top of this new major decision, I have gone back to grad school. After a year off of school, I am struggling to get back into the groove while working nights and some weekends. I know that in the future my schedule will be totally different and I may look back on the days when I had this schedule, but right now me is TIRED. For real though. On top of it all, I am facing the lie that I am not enough. As a woman I feel like I am failing- my hair is at an awkward length that doesn’t really look good straight or curly, but I have to soldier through as it grows out. As a wife I feel like I am failing- I can’t keep my house or kitchen clean longer than three seconds, and I honestly don’t care because any free second that I get I would MUCH rather be hanging with the Permanent Roommate because we have had so little free time together in the past month. I feel like a failure as a student- my ADHD is out of control from all the stress and I can’t focus (even having gone through nearly two seasons of Supernatural, my usual go to).
And so I found myself on the floor of the shower drinking my coffee and begging for the grace to NOT feel like a failure today. And for the majority of today, those prayers didn’t seem to work much in my favor. My hair frizzed into a horrible look upon stepping out into the humidity. The house was STILL an incredible mess. I read through a chapter, but…. Couldn’t do any more. As I drove home from Starbucks I prayed that I could shake this feeling and just accomplish something small. I changed out of the clothes that made me feel bad and put on a skirt. I straightened my hair. I tied an apron on and knocked out a bunch of the dishes. I scrubbed the counters. I straightened the living room a smidge. I opened the windows. I breathed.
Because my prayers, had paid off. Somehow I was granted the grace to accomplish those seemingly small tasks, and to feel good. I go to work in fifteen minutes. I will hopefully work on school in the library with my students then come home and… who knows!
PS- I caught and flushed a stink bug today. It’s a big deal.